I'm wrestling my demons this week--insecurity, perfectionism, fear of failure, and worthlessness. Anyone else?
Self-Talk That Murders Authors
- My writing sucks
- Who cares what I write?
- It's already been written
- He/She writes it better
These phrases attack me when I'm weak. I'm weak right now because I'm overwhelmed in my life. My confidence has taken a jolt and it's like a wall coming down. Every thought that could drive me to stop believing in myself is besieging me. Without the wall, the thoughts get inside and murder my productivity.
I'm fighting back! Writing about my insecurity shines a light on it. Darkness cannot thrive in light. Sharing my troubles calls forth my friends who bolster me and fling arrows at my attackers. Praying about it brings in my God who is bigger than my problems. Remembering my past successes gives pause to my rapid-fire doubts.
I have been through too much in my life to be easily vanquished. This is a battle I will win. I've won it hundreds of times before and, each time, my negative thoughts are smaller. My arsenal against them is larger. My victory is swifter. Writing this has already brought me some relief.
Perhaps I have the second draft blues. There is nothing like the creative fire of laying down the first draft, and there is nothing like the cold reality of editing the second. What felt brilliant as I typed, looks juvenile as I edit. The Pet Washer book sales are slow, further reinforcing my feelings of ineptitude. I have self-imposed deadlines breathing down my neck and not enough hours in the day. On top of all this, my family continues to struggle with recession related difficulties.
What saves me is that I never quit. I trust myself to get back up when I'm knocked down. I get tired and overwhelmed, but I don't stop! I'm excited about my new book and my future books--I just need to plow through TODAY. Anyone else?
“Your attitude, not your aptitude, determines your altitude.”
- Zig Ziglar
To Do: Think positive!
Jennifer Lynn Alvarez
***UPDATE: I'm now waiting for the release of book #1 in my new middle-grade series from HarperCollins, The Guardian Herd: Starfire.
***UPDATE: I'm now waiting for the release of book #1 in my new middle-grade series from HarperCollins, The Guardian Herd: Starfire.
It is so easy to feel like this! My problem right now is those saying "You? You wrote a trilogy?" and it is not that they are proud but that they doubt you. I heard this saying once and it helped,
ReplyDelete"If you have no critics, then you probably don't have any success either." ---unknown
I also can relate to the words you spoke:
"Perhaps I have the second draft blues. There is nothing like the creative fire of laying down the first draft, and there is nothing like the cold reality of editing the second."
The first draft feels great...editing not so much. But then when you are done with the editing, I think it feels better then the first draft because it is perfected and even better then the first. :)
Great blog! It motivated me for sure!
Thanks for your comments, Sara. I agree that the final draft is sweeter than the rest! I'm getting there :)
ReplyDeleteI plan to keep moving forward and I'm feeling better today! It's a roller-coaster ride!!
Jennifer